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You know I don’t often blog about parenting, nor say much about my relationship with my son, because I believe he deserves privacy. But what happened last week was eye opening and I thought if I shared, other moms of teens would relate and it might possibly help in their own walk with their kids!
Last week I talked with my son about gratitude and how unhappy he is all the time, even though he has everything: love, friends, things, clothes, a beautiful home … a very good life!
I asked him, since he seems to be unhappy every time we go out, to list four places he wanted to go before the end of the summer and we would be doing all of them before labor day, but I expected gratitude and a happy attitude about the experience!
His happiness is above all things for me! His list was surprisingly simple, things I had no idea what he wanted to do … so this week, we start.
It’s more than following a list, my goal is to guide him to a place of gratitude and the fact that if he’s not happy after going to those places, he has nobody else but himself to blame.
Our life is full of choices, we make good and bad ones and we have to live with consequences. Putting him in control, creates a place of understanding that what you do and want will dictate your future.
Here is the list:
A Large Pool
He wanted to go to a place with a large pool where he could swim, since he complains that our pool is too small. We have a membership to the local lake, but he doesn’t like the water there. So we’re planning a visit to a local club!
Miniature Golf
I thought he grew out of it, but apparently he still likes it
Park
I don’t get this one, he hates walking in the heat, he said he wants to go to a park. So here we go!
I plan to take a nice walk and will bring sandwiches and he and hubby will go fishing too, he loves doing that.
Mall
He hates going shopping, so not sure what he wants to do at the mall, but we’re going to it! Maybe he wants to check the girls out!!
I didn’t question his list, but his choices made me rethink the way I see him and his needs! The whole experience taught me that his likes and dislikes are not the same as mine!
This Friday we’re going to the Jersey shore boardwalk to do miniature golf and enjoy a slice of pizza or two there!
Don’t get me wrong, we did a lot this summer, fancy places, awesome amusement parks, but apparently he wanted just simple things … I will share how this month went with you later, but I wanted to share my experience with you!
I’m hoping if you also have an unhappy teen, that you ask questions, try to hear their side of the story, because the answer to a happy ending might be in the simple things!
Do you have a teen? Do you have these kinds of conversations with your child?
Can’t wait to hear what you think, as usual, give us a Trendy Shout!
I am so with you on this, happiness can most definitely be found in the little things, the everyday things, the walking around with your loved one’s things.
This is a great post and I love the lesson you are trying to teach him. We all need to be taught the purpose of appreciation. It is true that the simplest things can make us happy. Thanks for sharing your experience with your son.
Kids have different levels of happiness and thats interesting. My happiness when i was a kid is to sip a coconut juice ๐
It was rare then ๐ Now I can buy it in a tetra pack ๐
You’re a great mom for taking the time to listen to your kid. I hope you have a fun time there!
I agree, sometimes the simple things are best and just taking the opportunity to listen to our kids’ hearts often results. My four “kids” are now in their late 20s and 30s, and I’m a grandmother now of four granddaughters under 5 years old! But my youngest daughter and oldest granddaughter, who will be 5 next month, actually have simpler versions of these conversations.
Amen! I wish more people would come to realize that happiness is in the simple things. We would have many more happy people I tell you.
I like that you truly asked what your son would like to do as not everyone does that. I love pools, hope you have a good time xx
It’s great that he knows what he wants to do and that you’re letting him lead the way a little bit. I imagine he’ll be feeling better soon. Hope you two have a great time ๐
This looks like a great list! I like everything he listed. Sometimes, it’s the simplest things that make lots of happy memories
Happiness is definitely the simple things. He’ll probably get more out of just spending time with you doing things than he will from the things themselves.
Happiness does come from little things, especially from the ones you love. So I’ll try to listen to every small stuff my loved one say and yeah, fulfill it. Thanks for this really cute post.
I think that would be such a great conversation to have. Not only would this be great for families with children, but I think as adults, we could use it to help our relationships remain fun and interesting.
You are right the small things of life give the most happiness. But unfortunately we miss these, as we run after big dreams thinking they will give bigger happiness.
Your son seems like a thoughtful and simple soul. I am glad you shared your experience with all the mothers out there. Loved reading it ๐
My oldest just turned twelve, but it sure feels like teenage-hood! She still asks for just simple quality time with me. I am super grateful that this is still something important to her.
I love his list. I would choose the same. His choice of places is simple and yet I believe that is where you can have more quality time ๐
Oh I’m not looking forward to the moody teenage years. Love his list though!
Let us know the outcome of each adventure!
Boys can be pretty easy to please when it comes down to it. I’m with you, I just want my kids happy and sometimes it just takes sitting down and asking them what it will take.
Reminds me to be thankful of all the simple good things that happens in my life. Thanks for this refreshing post.
I need to make a list like this with my family, just to make sure we get the most out of this summer. It’s almost over and I’m afraid we didn’t do anything. And when it comes to gratitude… I’m my biggest problem right now. I just need to gut check myself whenever I start feel like I want to grumble.
Claudia, it’s as if you had been a fly on the wall in our house this summer. As much as we did big, fun things with our kids this summer (Disney surprise trip during BlogHer, a weekend away in New Hampshire), the kids seem to take it for granted. It’s as if we spoiled them so much that they now accept this as a part of our life. My mom and I talked about this once and she told me that my kids really enjoy the simple things. The time alone with me, or sitting on a blanket in the yard and having a picnic. It’s the time together sometimes more than the big event. Your posting is spot on as we are wrapping up our summer before the kids go back to school. I feel like the summer break for them went by in a blink of an eye and I want to try to spend every special moment I can with them before they are back in school and we are back in that routine again.
My baby is 11 months old. But I am sure when he grows u he would love these simple things too.
I think it’s great that you not only asked the important questions but you listened to the answers. I know with the grand kids I always assume things that aren’t in sync with what they want to do. I was so surprised to find out this week, that they just wanted to hang around the house instead of going anywhere. I never realized they’d be tired of going places. I hope you have a great weekend and your son has an amazing time.
I’m 15 years old and I’m totally agree with the kid that mentioned in the article. I’m also think if our parents listen to us more and have an usual conversation with their children, they’ll see that with us, happiness is the very simple things
This is a good post, yes it is typical for a teenager to be moody and hormonal.At least you are attempting to cheer him up but maybe he needs a guidance counselor or mentor he can confide in too so he can open up a bit better. Maybe even a Big Brother and Big Sister program and get an older brother type to bond with him. Teens are weird about opening up to his parents so if he doesnt open up or still show those signs maybe he needs so extra attention too. Good parenting for these methods.
I couldn’t agree more. Happiness sure lies in the simplest things. I love the fact that he chooses the park over a mall any day. Cheers!!
Miniature golf is one of our favorite things to do! The kids enjoy it, and it doesn’t break the bank! Lots of memories to be made there!
Never underestimate the joy the pool or the mall can bring into your busy life! Both make the summer days fly by with the kiddos.
That sounds like an interesting idea. My daughter never liked going anywhere either but I get it because when I was a teen, I hated it too.
Over the summer growing up I was in a camp for most of the time, keep me occupied. If it was a nice day I used to go bike riding and go to a friends house who had a pool, and just stayed in there forever lol.
Ultimately, it’s really nice to just talk and listen to them. Like, allow them to make choices that will make them happy or allow them to experience the things that they want. This is definitely a good move and I’m sure he’s excited!
This was a good read. My children are past the teenage years now. When they were that age and I noticed that something’s bothering them, I immediately set up a mom and son or mom and daughter talk, usually at their favorite fast food chain. They did not ask for much, and I am glad they are not hesitant to let me know what they want and what they need. What’s heartwarming is that they always say, “Mom, I want to have…., but if we can’t afford it, its okay.” ๐
This is an awesome summer list. I love that his list consisted of thing that weren’t just shopping, but fun activities. I loved mini golf as a teen, and when my kids are old enough I can’t wait to take them to try it.
Give me a nice sunny day with the kids and a pool and I’m happy! Love this post, a nice reminder that we all need.
I like how you gave him the chance to choose happiness by letting him choose the things he knew would make him happy. I also like who you set the bar high and told him your expectations.
Simple life can be the greatest. But variety is spice of life.
I’m surprised by his list too! I’m not looking forward to the teen years with my son and not knowing what he wants/likes.
Raising teens is never easy. And being a teenager isn’t easy street either. I love that you asked your son what he wanted to do for the summer and you have been working within that checklist. And I loved that through this experience you learned new things about him that you otherwise may never have known.
This sounds like some great time to reconnect and bond with your son. My kids are grown – but I was always surprised at how much they changed during their teen years.
That first photo took my breath away! I love the pool, too, of course. Pools are a necessity here in Arizona!
I am a sucker for a nice pool! Enjoying a day by the pool is my kind of lifestyle.
Sometimes it is the simple things that bring the most joy! That is awesome you are heading to the jersey shore!
It’s awesome that you were able to talk with him and find out what he’d enjoy doing. It’s nice to have an understanding of what the kids are into.
I was just telling my daughter to be more grateful and look on the bright side. I too look for happiness and joy in the small things.
It is a great idea to ask what the kids want to do before school starts again. Mini golf is always a family favorite in our house.
I have girls so it’s probably a bit different. We have conversations like this all the time. Oh, and it usually is the simple things that they like. Just spending time together as a family is one of the answers I normally get.
It is definitely the simple things sometimes. Some of my kids favorite memories are just things like picnicking at the duck pond.
Honestly, it really is the simple things in life that make a huge difference. A smile, a hug, the sound of your children’s laughter! There is no comparison to that. You could have all the stuff in the world and still be miserable.
Happiness totally is the simple things. I would love to just sit in silence and look out the window sometime without my kids fighting with each other in the background lol!
We don’t have kids and I don’t remember going through that phase when I was a teenager (my parents had it easy!) but good on you for getting the conversation going. Sometimes that’s all they need, someone to hear them out.
We always asked our kids what they wanted to do and some of their choices were always interesting and fun. Nice toilet each one decide and everyone join in.
Our kids are all grown up, but, when they were younger, we would ask them what they would like to do. It worked out for the most part
Miniature golf is always fun no matter how old you are! I love that he has his own summer bucket list of happiness!
My boys have several places they want to go to. One is laser tag
It’s important to listen to our kids. They change and their interests change often. My granddaughter likes to jump on my bed while I ask her questions. I learn all kinds of things about her and her interests while doing this. ๐
Communication is so important in parenting. It seems like you’re doing a great job listening to your son. Enjoy these adventures!
I don’t have any kids but I remember my parents used to have such conversations with us. It’s important to be grateful for the small things in life so we can appreciate the big things.
The simplest things are always the best – even if they kids don’t realize it. LOL I love to keep it simple.
It is so true, I think sometimes even as adults we forget how pleasurable the simple things can be.,
Kids never seemed as unhappy as kids do today back when I was young. There are lots of reasons, all good parents can do is try to keep talking and listening and get help and be there.
Kids are funny. They go on and on about big, huge things, and they think they want fancy trips or whatever. All they really want is food and a place to hang out!
Ah kids. They are both wonderful and infuriating at the same time! My kids have complained in the past about being bored, but when I found something for us to do, they just wanted to stay home. *shrug*
My kids get the same way. They complain they don’t have anything, but when they get things, they don’t take care of them (lose them or break them). They say we never do anything, but when I ask if they want to go somewhere, they all say no. I can’t seem to win.
That’s fantastic proof that the simplest things make us the happiest – how lovely that he’s chosen these very accessible things! I hope you enjoy your time together this summer ๐
Yes I totally agree! I think that when kids seem unhappy for no reason there is something to be said about just going back to simplicity. I really LOVE this post, it is a great reminder that our kids really just want time with us.
You nailed it on the head when you said that he’s bored and seems unhappy although he has all of those things. I feel the same way about my daughter. It’s so strange because I would have LOVED to have had all the things they have when I was a kid. It’s just odd, you know? I’m going to have mine make her list next.
That’s awesome! I can’t wait to hear all about her list!
Yesterday I took him to the mall, so first item is out of our list!